Trust Me, You DO NOT Want to Have A Three Way…


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Photo by Valeria Boltneva on

Ahh, honestly. Where to start with this subject. Ever since the dawn of humankind has the male species craved adding another female (or male) to their typically one-on-one sexual encounters. The pornography industry makes a literal millions of dollars every year glorifying the act known to some as the “menage et trois”. There is no one person to blame for this lust for an act that makes you turn the family portrait hanging in your room around to face directly into the wall. Let me tell you people…it’s the worst decision you could ever make in your life.

So, you’re a couple possibly looking to “spice up your love life” or most likely, from the female perspective; you’re trying to get your partner to shut up about it. It’s only natural, right!? It’s like cheating with your partners permission. I’m not one to judge what people do in their own homes behind closed doors. That being said, if you are a couple, PLEASE DEAR GOD DO NOT HAVE A THREE WAY! Fellas, listen up and listen damn good. When you’re constant badgering finally “pays off” and your lady agrees to let another woman into the bedroom with you two (I’ll discuss letting a guy in later) you might as well call your girl the “C” word in the most stern, serious tone you can, hand her a loaded handgun, and load the first round into the chamber for her. 

Okay, so you aren’t a couple and you’re just a guy or girl looking for a three way. First off, this is the way to do it. No one involved expects anything beyond this physical interaction. For a “Devils Threesome” (aka two males with a girl) you need to do barely anything. By my estimations, a girl can get two guys to do anything. Just beware of the uhh…ending. The rules of gun safety apply here, never aim at anything other than your target. A guy will never talk to you again if this situation ends with one guy finishing on another. Now, to the two girl threesome. Again, if you’re a girl wanting this, it is VERY easy. You know that “sexually free” friend you have?? Yeah, she’s down for it. Send her a text. It happens. It’s as easy as 1-2-3 (no pun intended). If you’re a guy, however, looking for either of these, the inverse applies. I can get a bro right now that will have a one girl triple plays other me right now in seconds. Getting two girls?? So much harder. There is an old saying: “birds of a feather, flock together”. You got a freaky friend? You know, that one that still uses Snapchat stories instead of Instagram stories? Yeah, call her.

I hope I’ve both warned you and helped you in your journey to this sexual milestone. I will end by saying this as a guy who has once had a threesome (sorry Mom and Dad): Its NEVER as great as you think it is. In fact, if anything, it’s so much more work. I’m not the type to put in more work than I have to. Therefore, I’ve checked that box on my bucket list. I will now be strictly celibate in favor of food and staying in.


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