Sports that SHOULD be in the Tokyo Olympics in 2020:

Sports that need to be in the Olympics:

Scootering:

   We’ve all ripped it up on our Razor scooters at one time or another. But it’s high-time we make this a full fledged Olympic sport. Taking a Razors deck to the ankle should qualify you for a veterans discount. Tailwhips all around.

Rollerblading:

      In the same breath as the scooter, comes the humble rollerblade. Yes, the $2 upgrade at your local skating rink is on this list. Scoring is based on your ability to kiss a girl (with tongue) after your run.

Paintball:

    Yes, the sport you played once for your best friends 12th birthday party made this list. There is much more than meets the eye to this now “recreational” activity. As a former college football player, I pride myself on my cardiovascular health. When I transitioned out of football to semi-pro paintball. There was an alarmingly high amount of running involved. It was much like running gassers when one of my receivers dropped a ball. Not only should this be an Olympic sport…we should solve wars with paintball. No lives lost, just maybe an eye or two.

Australian Football:

     Australian Football is by FAR the most brutal sport on the planet. A cross between rugby and American Football special teams, this sport pits our Aussie cousins against each other in an absolutely horrifying game of “smear the you-know-what” hits are unencumbered by pads and helmets and only the strongest survive. YouTube “Aussie Rules Football hits” if you wanna know more about the sport and have a strong stomach.

DM Diving:

     This has to be the best sport on my list. I imagine the competition to pit several athletes against each other to win the heart of one lady over the internet. The lady must not be from one of the competing countries (obviously). Competitors have five minutes to follow and slide in the DMs of said lady. The man who comes out with the best response (if any) will come out with the gold.

Fortnite:

     If you say that this is not a sport. I would quickly tell you that you are absolutely wrong; Fortnite has unified more people than the Civil Rights movement…and I’m not being funny in saying that. It literally and statistically has done that. Just enjoy the wave and refrain from being swallowed by it.

    These are the sports I’ll be petitioning the Olympic Committee to add to the games ASAP. Please refrain from asking me to add “CrossFit” to this list. Y’all are sociopaths, anyway. Our hero, the married man with blue hair…the legend himself. The man known as: “Ninja”. Is representing the USA, and then it’s over for all you hoes.

-RP

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