Kansas City Royals All-Time Shit Squad

If you’re anything like me, you were probably stoked for Opening Day. America’s pastime is here again. This year, however, was different. As a Kansas City Royals fan, I had to come into the season with a different mindset. Hos is on the sunny beaches of San Diego. Lo Cain is back where he started his big league journey. Our heart and soul, Salvy, began the year on the DL after a freak accident. My hopes have never been lower, this season is going to be a wreck. But hey, growing up a Royals fan you get used to that after awhile – I’m basically numb at this point. That’s what led me to compile my all-time worst Kansas City Royals Opening Day Squad – to prove to myself that it could always be worse. (I excluded all players that started opening day 2018, cause lets be honest they probably all could have made this list).

Must have been an Opening Day starter at some point to qualify for this team:

Catcher – John Buck (2005-2008)

John Buck was a part of multiple blockbuster trades in his career – mostly just a filler piece, but blockbuster trades nonetheless. The Royals acquired him after sending our beloved Carlos Beltran to the Astros. And outside of that, Buck may be the most forgettable Royal of all time – which makes him a lock for this list.

1st Base – Kila Ka’aihue (2011)

Cool name. Bad Player. Another Easy Selection.


2nd Base – Ruben Gotay (2005)

Another forgettable player from the mid-2000’s. The main reason he made this list is because Desi Relaford has a cooler name, granting him immunity.

Shortstop – Angel Berroa (2003-2006)

You could say Berroa had a decent start to his career. He was named the AL Rookie of the Year in 2003, can’t get much better than that. And believe me, he never would. The Royals might have been better playing without a SS considering Berroa never had a full season with less than 18 errors – leading the league twice.

Honorable Mention – Tony Pena Jr.

3rd Base – Mark Teahen (2005-2006)

Another piece of the Beltran trade. Strike one.

I met him once as a kid and he was a total dick. Strike two.

Alright, I don’t actually have a strike three. However, in a franchise of relatively-solid 3rd base talent (Joe Randa, Moose, and some guy named George), sometimes you just draw the short stick.

Left Field – David DeJesus (2009)

To be honest, in the middle of a lot of years of shitty Royals baseball – David DeJesus was a ray of hope. Growing up playing outfield, I had a lot of fun watching DeJesus. To be honest, he only made this list because I couldn’t put Mark Teahen on here twice. Yes, Teahen started in LF on Opening Day 2008, for some reason the Royals really wanted to find a spot on the field for him.

Center Field – Melky Cabrera (2011)

Competing against the likes of Lorenzo Cain, Johnny Damon, Carlos Beltran, Hal McRae, and Willie Wilson sometimes the easy choice for the shittiest player is the guy that got busted for PED’s. Thanks for nothing, Melky.

Right Field – Jose Guillen (2008-2009)

This was a hard decision. It came down to the washed up Jose Guillen and the washed up Jeff Francoeur. At the end of the day, the deciding factors were the alleged PED use and that one time he tried to fight a fan that pushed Guillen slightly in front.

Designated Hitter – Billy Butler (2008-2009, 2011-2014)

No lie, it hurt me just a little to put Country Breakfast on this list. I mean come on, that’s just a dope ass nickname. He had his ups and downs – remember that time he stole second during our magical postseason run in 2014.. incredible. However, he was the staple of a lot of shitty Royals teams, and let’s not forget his terrible BBQ sauce – he could make the list for that alone.

Honorable Mention – Ken Harvey & Brandon Moss

Starting Pitcher – Gil Meche (2007-2009)

The biggest contract in the Royals’ history prior to the Alex Gordon deal. For some strange reason, someone thought it was a good idea to give him a 5 year deal worth $55 million. Let’s just say thank god he retired early and walked away from $12 million on the table.

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